Monday, August 15, 2016

BEST DAY EVER -or pretty close;) and other stuff

Part 2: Feel Me (pain and happiness)

     Most people know me to be a happy positive person, but in life even those types of people have hard times and bad days.  Most of you would never believe me if I told you that I actually suffer from depression and anxiety Its been going on for several years, but recently it was decided that my problems with depression stem from head injuries in 2 serious car accidents that I have been involved in. I don't wish that on anyone, but I do my very best to not let it keep me down.  I've been told before that I don't have anything to be depressed about, but if you've never experienced it you just don't understand. I will admit I thought the same thing about depression before I went through it myself.  If you think you suffer from depression and have not done so yet please get help.  If you don't know how to contact me and I will be glad to try my very best to get you pointed in the right direction. I enjoy life and try to live it to the fullest, If you know much about me you already knew that :) 

     Sometimes in life things seem to happen all at once. "When it rains it pours", right?  May the 9th my mom and I were involved in a car accident when someone pulled out in front of us.  Immediately after the accident we tried to get out of the car, but the car was so messed up that the doors would not open. That is a scary feeling!! At first I didn't think I was really hurt, but I think that was the adrenaline.  We went to the emergency room to be checked out to be sure. Thank God my mom wasn't hurt, just sore. I however chipped the bone in my thumb, busted my lip and nose, broke the wire on my braces, and had pretty bad internal bruising. I know that it could have been so much worse so I certainly count my blessings!

"And pennies make dimes and dimes make dollars,
Dollars buy gas and longneck bottles,
Beer gets a barefoot country girl swayin,
To a song that's playin on the radio station.
Bad times make the good times better"
-Frankie Ballard

     In early June I received one of those kind of phone calls that no one wants to receive, turns out my 94 year old grandfather had fallen in the middle of the night and hit his head and was taken to the emergency room.  They "checked" him out and sent him home!  Would you believe his brain was actually bleeding, which later caused him to go into a comma that he would never wake up from.  I was very close to my "PaPa", in fact every weekend I would go to his house to spend time with him and do things around the house for him.  Sometimes I would take him out to eat and he would tell me the stories he had told me 1000 times before but I knew that one day I wouldn't be able to hear those stories any more. I also made him watch the show Say Yes to the Dress with me all the time, he would fuss at the TV about how much the women were spending on wedding dresses and it was rather humorous to listen to sometimes.  Hard to believe that I will never be able to watch that show again with out him.  He was moved to Kitty Askins Hospice Center. If you have never seen what a wonderful place that is take it from me, if you have to go through loosing a family member that is where you want to be when it happens, they were so wonderful to my grandfather and my family.  If you want to check out their website or even make a donation to them please visit . He was there for a total of three days and during that time I probably left his side for no more than three hours. I guess I was secretly hoping he would wake up, but on June the 9th at about 1 am he passed away while I was alone with him. The following weeks were very hard on me, especially Sundays, as that was the day I always spent with him, but I know that he is no longer suffering and is with my Nanny now.

     I had been dating a new guy for about two months and things seemed to be going well, the week that my grandfather was in the hospital I saw very little of him. I really expected him to be there for me a little, but didn't think much of it at the time. The week after the funeral he broke up with me, where do I get these guys anyway?????? Any way I have said all of this to tell you that even though things happen we have to keep going, life does not stop for us, it does not stop when we are having a bad day or even when we loose a loved one, but the good news is that GOOD THINGS AND GOOD TIMES are always around the corner, just when you least expect them.

    When I turned 30, I was told by several people that the THIRTIES are the best years of your life.  If you had asked me this time last year or even 3 months ago, I would say you were nuts, because things seemed to be going downhill for me at a rapid pace.  BUT let me tell you that three months into my 31st year I am happy to tell you that the 30's are looking promising ;)
     Last week a friend (Thanks JenJen) sent me a message telling me about a job opening that she thought I should check into. I applied not really thinking I'd even get called back.  Mid week I got a phone call asking me to come for an interview. I happened to be out of town for the Dixie Chicks Concert but we made arrangements for an interview.  Friday afternoon I got an e-mail offering me my DREAM JOB: an Art teacher at Wayne Preparatory Academy.  I couldn't believe it and couldn't have been happier to accept the position. This job was an answer to prayers! Could it be, are things looking up? Yes its quite possible! Maybe my PaPa is watching over me and sent me this job, maybe it was luck, maybe it was fate; call it what you wish. All I know is that I am looking forward to this new opportunity.
     I also happened to have a "first date" planned for Friday night......WAIT WHAT????? an interview and a first date in the same day, am I crazy......never mind don't answer that!!! Normally I wouldn't even write about this so publically this soon, but it is part of what turned out to be a pretty darn good day!  Things didn't quite work out like we had originally planned, but they worked out regardless!  I don't know what will or will not become of it, but I do want to say that was definitely one of my BEST DAYS EVER :)


Monday, August 8, 2016

See ME

I’d like to ask you a question.

What do you see when you look at me?

Do you see a woman who a big heart that has been broken more times than I’d like to count?  Do you see the little girl that was made fun of for being fat growing up, and struggled with her weight from a very young age? Do you see the little girl that spent a few years with just her mom, because her parents were divorced when she was 1 ½? How about the number of stamps I have in my passport? We have all been guilty of looking at someone and judging them by the way they look, but what does it take for you to see past what’s on the outside and see what is on the inside?  What’s the old cliché? Don’t judge a book by its cover.

I am still finding out who I am, but let me tell you what I see when I look at me.

When I look at myself in the mirror, regardless of what society says, I don’t see a “Fat” person, I see a normal person, even further than that A PERSON. I was a SHY little girl that no matter what people said about me decided that even though I was bigger than many girls her age, she wanted to compete in beauty pageants and pursue modeling. I see OUTGOING and talkative person (I got that honest). I also see a girl that would do anything for anyone, even a stranger. I see a girl that has taken care of many many kids because that’s one of my passions. I see a “fur mommy” to two hedgehogs.  I see a girl that has been fortunate to have traveled to several different states and countries, eaten lunch one of the President of the United States, and been featured in a national Magazine.( See more on that here) I see a girl that has two degrees, one in Elementary and Special Education and one in Office Administration. I also see a girl that cried when she watched Forest Gump because they were throwing rocks at him when he couldn’t walk correctly.  I could go on and on and tell you all the things that I see when I see ME in the mirror but I think you get the idea.

My name is Brittany and I am 31 years old and I still don’t quite have this crazy thing called life, and I doubt I ever will, but I do my very best to navigate my way through it. I believe in god and love my country.  I am a former military brat, and a beauty queen.  There is nothing I want more than to be a good daughter, sister, friend, and one day I’d like to be a mommy. I try very hard to always do the right thing, but we all know that no one is perfect. My favorite color is teal and my favorite food is strawberries. I love NC State and love taking pictures.  I’d like to think that I have made an impact on my loved ones lives and that they couldn’t imagine life without me.  They see me for who I am on the inside.

In today’s society there are so many things we are taught is how we should look. No matter what people will criticize you. You are either too skinny or too fat, you are a prude or a slut, and you are a hoodlum or a bible thumper.  Why can’t we just be PEOPLE?  It takes all kinds to make this world go round, try not to be so quick to judge next time you sit down or stand in line next to someone. Instead smile at them or say HI! My friends will tell you that I have met several people just by striking up a conversation with a stranger.

Finally I’d like to ask you to simply see ME