30-Something, Flirty, and Thriving - You can't make this stuff up

"What Doesn't Kill You, Makes You stronger" Have you ever said that to anyone or has someone else ever said that to you?      I'm not saying that I don't think that statement can be true sometimes, but boy oh boy, do people love to tell you something like that, especially when you least want to hear it. But then again, we all know that some things are easier said than done at times.       Many years ago, I was guilty of this myself, so I am only writing this to inform, not to bash anyone!  I have been diagnosed with severe  depression.  I have dealt with this for more than ten years now.  There was a time when I first started struggling that I literally either slept or sat on my bed crying every day, for almost 3 months.  It wasn't until my (ex-boyfriend's) mom called to check on me. She then told me that I couldn't keep living like that, so she called my family doctor and made me an appointment for that afternoon. Before I started feeling that way, wh

       I have been telling myself for a while now that I would sit down to write a new entry in my blog. I have intentions of doing it more, but sometimes my thoughts seem so jumbled and it's hard to know where to start. I will be lying in bed about to drift off and I think of something profound that I want to write, but by the time I wake up, I can't remember what it was.       I find myself 37 years old, not knowing where I am headed in my life. Don't get me wrong, I AM EXTREMELY BLESSED and if you know me, then you know that most days I spend my time LIVING MY BEST LIFE. I have my family, my friends, I own a house and car, have 3 college degrees, and some pretty dang adorable "fur babies", seriously have you seen them?            I certainly thought by this point in my life, I would be married and have a baby or two.  There is nothing that I have ever wanted more than I have wanted to be a mommy.  If I am 100% honest every day that passes that I am not a mom,

     The last blog post I wrote, was on October 19, 2019, and it was about the same thing I am writing about now. Only I thought I was hurting then, now I am truly heartbroken. It was a letter to "addiction" but really it was to Jack, whom I loved dearly, but simply (for my mental health) could not be around anymore. Now I find myself thinking of TONS of things that I want to tell him, and simply cannot ever again. This is just a short version of the story!    None of what I have to say is out of any disrespect to him, the truth is that I did love him! I did everything that I knew how to show him how much I loved him and to help "save" him. I hated the person he turned into when he was taking pills (and eventually God knows what else). He and I had a somewhat tumultuous relationship, dating twice over three years. Deep down he was an amazing person, and that’s why I held on for so long, I knew the real Jack was in there somewhere! When Jack and I were together, I p

Me writing this to “you” is probably more for me than it is for you. At this point, I don’t even know if you will ever read it.  Most of my friends and family hated that I was with you, some even quit having much to do with me, because of me sticking around so long. Maybe this will give them insight into my “why”.   Although I’ve had my heart broken many times, I always try to live for the moment, not for the past. I might give more chances to people than they deserve, but that’s just who I am, I see the good in people even when they can’t see it in themselves.  You came into my life when I wasn’t looking, and we were both hurt. We both needed something, but neither of us knew what that something was. We had the best time, laughing and joking and making each other smile.  The first time I met you we sat in the living room talking and laughing most of the night. One of our very first dates was even to Chuck E Cheese, “where a kid can be a kid”. Things were so good between us.  

I'm usually a pretty transparent person most of the time (no such thing as TMI with me), so I’d like to share my next BIG LIFE CHAPTER! Not to mention I am getting excited as the time gets closer and closer. I’d say I’m just a normal small town girl. If you know me at all you know that I am fairly (to say the least )  confident in my  self. That hasn’t always been the case though!  There was a time when I was younger (mainly middle school years) when I was made fun of regularly. I cared what people thought about me. (You know what’s funny? I look at the ones who made fun of me so many years ago and see where they are now and laugh, one word, Karma   😂 ) I’ve been big, fat, fluffy, chunky, plump (whatever you prefer to call it lol  ) the majority of my life, but that has never stopped me from doing exactly what I’ve wanted to do! Updated to add that I have no clue why some of the text above is so small, I have tried to fix it but it's not working lol. Ar